Ah, marriage—a venerated institution built on love, commitment, and wildly unrealistic expectations. Sure, it has its perks, like having someone to blame for burning the toast. But let’s dive into the cold, hard truth: being single is not just better, it’s a downright lifesaver. Literally.

Ultimate Freedom: No Strings Attached

Remember those days as a kid when your parents and teachers dictated your every move? How about trading those days for a lifetime of marital dictatorship? Thanks, but no thanks. When you’re single, your schedule is your own. You can attend a midnight cheese-tasting event or binge-watch an entire season of anything without consulting an in-house committee.

Iron Health: Longevity Hacks

Who needs love when you can have a ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ not riddled with problems? According to the illuminating longitudinal research, ‘Gender, the Marital Life Course, and Cardiovascular Disease in Late Midlife,’ being single quite literally keeps your heart ticking better. Over eight years of tracking more than 9,000 adults, the message was loud and clear: marriage might be a sweet poison.

Time, Time, and More Time

Life’s so short, yet somehow, marriage finds a way to make you feel every minute of it. Think about all those hours wasted arguing over what to watch or sitting through that in-law’s tedious monologue. If you’re single, that precious time is yours to use. Read a book, learn a language, or take naps—glorious, uninterrupted naps.

Self-Improvement: The Never-Ending Project

Let’s be real: marriage isn’t a magic pill for your quirks and flaws. It’s more like a magnifying glass, spotlighting every odd habit and unresolved issue. Being single offers you the luxury (and oh-so-necessary time) to work on yourself. Heal those old wounds, shed bad habits, and maybe try not to become a walking disaster before you drag someone else into your personal turmoil.

Simpler Life: The Low-Trouble Zone

Now let’s get Biblical for a second. “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” Yes, even the Scriptures agree that marriage is a Pandora’s box of problems. Sure, singleness has its struggles, but at least you’re wrestling with your own issues, not a whole household’s worth.

So there’s your foolproof case for staying single: better health, more time, absolute freedom, personal growth, and fewer headaches. Marriage can keep its silver linings; they’re wrapped in too many storm clouds for anyone’s liking.

Consider this Karen’s final thought: Why split the difference when you can have it all solo? Cheers to the single life, my friends. May your hearts stay strong and your schedules stay open!

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