Howdy folks! It’s your ol’ friend Mary here, and I’ve got a doozy of a story for ya today. Now, unless you’ve been living under a rock — and bless your heart if you have — you’ve probably noticed this whirlwind of so-called ‘woke’ culture sweeping across our great nation. I’m here to tell ya, it’s got more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese and smells just as funky too!

Before you sigh and think, “Oh no, not another lecture,” stick around! Trust me, you’re gonna want to hear what I’ve got to say. It’s funnier than a possum on a trampoline and more eye-opening than a church basement rummage sale. Cross my heart and hope to get writer’s cramp, you’ll want to read this through to the end.

What In Tarnation is Woke Culture Anyway?

Now, I know I ain’t gotta tell you folks what ‘woke’ is, but bear with me for a spell. These days ‘woke’ seems to mean you’re such a saint that you never even swat at a mosquito for fear of hurtin’ its feelings. The ‘woke’ brigade is convinced they’re on the right side of history, bless their hearts, but they’re about as wrong as ketchup on a hotdog. Let’s delve a little deeper, shall we?

Woke Folks Can’t Seem to Keep Their Facts Straight

If you take a stroll down memory lane, remember when things were simpler? Back then, a fella could say what he meant and mean what he said without needing a 200-page manual on the right pronouns. And don’t get me started on phrases. The ‘woke’ crowd loves to churn out sayings that make no daggone sense whatsoever. ‘Impactful’ this and ‘optics’ that. Honey, the only optics I care about are my husband’s new bifocals. He looks quite dashing, by the way.

Their View on History is More Twisted Than a Pretzel!

Don’t you just love how they rewrite history? I remember my high school history teacher, Mr. Thompson, who was a gem of a man, always said, “He who controls the past controls the future.” The problem is, these ‘woke’ historians wouldn’t know a fact if it walked up and introduced itself. How can you call yourself a historian if you spend most of your time erasing the facts? It’s kinda like saying you’re a chef but all you know how to do is boil water. Ludicrous, ain’t it?

Sowing Division Faster Than a Farmer Sows Corn

Never mind bringing folks together, ‘cause the ‘woke’ warriors are doing just the opposite. These days, they’re angrier than a wet hen at anyone who dares to have their own point of view. Back in my day, we valued open debate and conversation. Remember good ol’ potluck dinners where you could argue about politics and still go home with a full belly and a smile? Seems like a distant memory now, thanks to the new age ‘cancel culture’. Kinda tickles me how they’re out to unite everyone by silencing half the folks. Oh, the irony!

Religious Beliefs? No Room for Them in Wokeville!

Lemme tell ya, there’s no quicker way to get on the ‘woke’ no-fly list than to mention you’re a believer in the Good Lord. I tell ya, it boggles the mind how they preach tolerance out one side of their mouth while condemning anyone who dares to bow their head in prayer. Every Sunday, when I sit in my pew, I can’t help but thank the Lord for my blessings and giggle at how absurd it all is. Imagine a world where kindness is mistaken for weakness, and faith is snickered at. Well, we don’t have to imagine it, do we?

Jumping on Bandwagons Quicker Than a Rabbit on a Carrot

These ‘wokies’, boy, they sure love bandwagons. One week it’s this cause, the next week it’s that one, and don’t you dare keep up. Honestly, it’s more exhausting than a Black Friday stampede. They’d do well to take a cue from us boomers: slow and steady wins the race. Why hitch yourself to every new trend like it’s the next greatest thing since sliced bread? Remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kinda tells ya all you need to know.

(Un)Common Sense: An Endangered Species

Common sense, y’all, it isn’t so common anymore. It’s gone the way of the dodo bird. I remember thinking how my mama had more wisdom in her pinky finger than I’ve seen in these so-called experts. Mind you, these are the same folks who think it’s kinder to keep kids out of school so they can figure life out on their own. Pardon my ignorance, but didn’t we all benefit from a good ol’ schoolhouse lesson or two?

A Final Word From Yours Truly

Alrighty then, you made it to the end! And let me tell ya, you deserve a cookie for hanging in there. Now, don’t let anyone tell you to hush up, not in this great country where free speech is as American as apple pie. Sometimes it feels like we’re just trying to keep our heads above water in this sea of craziness. And remember, just because you’re not ‘woke’ doesn’t mean you’re asleep. Maybe, just maybe, what we need is a little more common sense and a whole lot more Jesus. Amen!

God bless y’all, and till next time, stay strong, stay proud, and don’t let the turkeys get ya down.

Mary out!

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