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  DURING AN ARGUMENT, MY WIFE TOLD OUR 15 YEAR OLD SON THAT I AM NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER – NONE OF US SAW THAT COMING

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  MY MOTHER-IN-LAW INSISTED ON REDECORATING MY HOME, BUT WHAT SHE DID BEHIND MY BACK WAS BEYOND CONTROLLING

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  HE WOULDN’T LET GO OF MY LEG—AND I COULDN’T LEAVE HIM BEHIND

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  HE CALLED 911 BECAUSE HE WAS HUNGRY—AND THEN SHE SHOWED UP

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  MY HUSBAND LEFT ME FOR HIS BOSS WHILE I WAS PREGNANT – THEN THEY DEMANDED ONE OF MY BABIES.

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  MY FATHER TOLD ME TO SHOWER WITH COLD WATER AND USE THE SOAP HE GAVE ME – WHEN MY BOYFRIEND ENTERED MY BATHROOM, HE STARTED CRYING

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  NO ONE SHOWED UP TO MY 63RD BIRTHDAY EXCEPT A COURIER WITH A CAKE THAT READ, “WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID.”

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  LITTLE GIRL STOPPED ME ON THE STREET AND SAID, “YOUR PICTURE IS IN MY MOM’S WALLET!” — WHEN I SAW HER MOM, I ONLY MANAGED TO SAY, “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?”

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  MY SISTER HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY HUSBAND. SIX YEARS LATER, SHE CALLED ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

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  MY NEIGHBOR POURED CEMENT OVER MY FLOWER GARDEN BECAUSE THE BEES ANNOYED HIM — HE NEVER EXPECTED PAYBACK FROM THE “SWEET OLD LADY” NEXT DOOR

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  THE DAY I SAVED THREE BABY GOATS AND FINALLY UNDERSTOOD MY MOTHER’S LAST WORDS

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  MY ARROGANT NEW NEIGHBORS MADE MY PRISTINE LAWN THEIR PARKING LOT — I MAY BE OLD, BUT MY REVENGE WAS RUTHLESS.