My MIL always helped us with babysitting, household chores, and rent. Recently, my FIL passed away, and it was a tough time for her. She called me for help, and I did. But eventually, I stopped answering her calls because I felt overwhelmed and didnโt know how to say โnoโ without sounding cruel.
At first, it was small things. She’d ask if I could pick up a few groceries or help with the lightbulbs she couldnโt reach. Sometimes she just wanted company, which I understood. Grief is lonely. I tried my best, especially those first few weeks after my FIL passed.
But I had my own family, two toddlers, a job, and a mountain of laundry that never seemed to shrink. My husband, Martin, worked long hours, and most of the day-to-day home stuff fell on me. I started to feel pulled in too many directions.
She began calling every other day. Then, almost daily. Sometimes twice. Iโd see her name flash on my screen and feel guilty before even answering. That was a red flag I ignored for too long.
One Thursday afternoon, after I had just cleaned up a smoothie explosion in the kitchen, she called asking if I could drive her to a dental appointmentโone she had forgotten to mention earlier. I froze. I looked at the mess, then at my two-year-old pulling at my pants with sticky fingers, and I just let the call go to voicemail.
I didnโt call back. I told myself Iโd do it later. But later became never.
Days turned into weeks. I told Martin, โYour momโs calling me too much. I canโt handle it. Iโve got the kids, the house, and everything else. Iโm sorry, but I need space.โ
He looked tired too. โI get it,โ he said quietly. โBut sheโs alone now. You know she was always there for us.โ
โI know,โ I whispered. โBut I feel like Iโm drowning.โ
Instead of finding a solution, I just avoided her. Martin said heโd check in on her more, and he did. Heโd call, sometimes drop off dinner. But she noticed my silence.
One Sunday, she sent a text: โHope everythingโs okay. Miss the kids. Miss you.โ
I didnโt reply. Not because I was angryโbut because I didnโt know how to explain myself. I didnโt want to hurt her.
Then, something unexpected happened.
Martin came home one evening, looking shaken. โMom had a fall,โ he said. โNothing too serious, but she was on the kitchen floor for almost an hour before she could reach her phone.โ
I felt cold all over. I imagined her lying there, helpless, maybe even calling out for someoneโme. And I hadnโt picked up her calls for almost three weeks.
The guilt rushed in, sharp and deep.
โIโm going to stay with her for a couple of nights,โ Martin said. โJust until she gets steady again.โ
I nodded, but my heart was heavy. I went into the kitchen and looked at the high chair, the half-eaten crackers on the counter, the chaos that made me feel like I couldnโt breatheโand I thought of her. She had once cleaned this very same mess for us. Held our babies when I needed to nap. Paid our rent when Martin got laid off.
And now she was alone.
The next morning, I loaded the kids into the car and drove over to her house. I didnโt tell Martin I was coming. I justโฆ came.
She opened the door slowly, leaning on a cane. Her eyes widened when she saw me. Then she smiledโa small, tired smile.
โI brought breakfast,โ I said.
She didnโt say anything at first. Just opened the door wider. The kids ran in, giggling, and she bent carefully to hug them. I saw tears in her eyes.
I sat with her in the kitchen while she made tea. I apologized, awkwardly at first. But then it all spilled out.
โI was just so tired,โ I said. โNot of you, but of everything. I didnโt know how to balance it all. I thought ignoring your calls was easier than explaining that I wasnโt okay.โ
She nodded slowly, staring into her mug. โI understand. Grief makes everything heavierโfor all of us.โ
We sat in silence. The kids laughed in the other room.
Then she said, โI wasnโt calling to burden you. I was calling because I missed you. I missed the noise, the mess, even the chaos. It made me feel less alone.โ
I reached across the table and took her hand. It was thin, but warm.
โIโm here now,โ I said.
From that day forward, I visited her once a week. Sometimes more. But I also set boundaries. I told her when I needed space, and she respected it. We found a rhythm.
She began helping again tooโbaking muffins for the kids, folding laundry when she came over. And we talked more honestly. About grief, exhaustion, fear, and love.
One evening, while tucking in my daughter, she asked, โMommy, is Grandma sad all the time now?โ
I paused. โNot all the time,โ I said. โBut sometimes. And thatโs okay. Weโre helping her feel better by being with her.โ
My daughter thought for a moment. โLike how she helped you when I was a baby?โ
โExactly like that,โ I whispered.
Months passed. Then a year. Things got betterโnot perfect, but better.
Then came another twist.
Martinโs company downsized, and he was laid off. We were back where we had been years agoโstruggling. Rent was late. Groceries were tight. I looked at our bank account and panicked.
That night, my MIL showed up with a bag of groceries and an envelope. I tried to refuse it.
โNo,โ I said. โYouโve done enough.โ
She looked at me, calm and steady. โLet me help. This is what family does. We hold each other up when someoneโs falling.โ
I cried, right there on the porch.
A week later, Martin got a callโhe was offered a job at a new firm. Better pay, more security. It felt like a reward we didnโt expect.
I called my MIL right away. She cried too.
And thatโs when I understood something deep. Life isnโt about keeping score. Itโs not about who helped who last or how many times you said โyesโ or โno.โ
Itโs about showing up. Even when itโs messy. Even when youโre tired.
My MIL wasnโt just my husbandโs mother. She was a woman who gave, and gave, and never asked for much in return. She wasnโt perfect, but neither was I.
We both had our seasons. And in each one, we found a way back to each other.
Not because we had toโbut because we wanted to.
If youโve ever felt stretched too thin, if youโve ever ignored a call because you didnโt have it in you to answerโitโs okay. But remember: love often shows up quietly, in the form of a phone call, a warm muffin, or a ride to the dentist.
Answer when you can. And when you canโtโjust come back when youโre ready.
Because showing up, even late, is better than never showing up at all.
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