A man sent a text message to his next-door neighbor:

“Bob, I’m genuinely sorry. I’ve been feeling terribly guilty and I need to confess:”

“I’ve been using your wife when you’re not around, probably even more than you do. It’s been such an incredible and enjoyable experience, I haven’t been able to stop myself. Sometimes, it goes on for hours.”

“I know this doesn’t justify it, but I don’t get it at home. I can’t carry this guilt any longer. I hope you can accept my heartfelt apology. It won’t happen again.”

Feeling outraged and betrayed, Bob stormed into the bedroom and confronted his wife.

Moments later, the man received another text:

“Curse that auto-correct, I meant to say ‘Wi-Fi’!”

“Hey, Mom,” asked Little Johnny,

“can you give me twenty dollars?”

“Certainly not!” replied his mother.

“If you do,”

Little Johnny continued,

“I’ll tell you what Dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

His mother’s ears perked up, and reaching for her purse, she handed over the money.

“Well? What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.’”