Parenting and household chores can be a tricky balance, but one Utah mom has found a unique approach to tackling these challenges. Sam Kelly, a former therapist turned “feminist coach for mothers,” has introduced a different way of thinking about parenting and shared responsibilities within the family. Rather than asking her children for help with chores, Sam seeks to teach them about “emotional labor” and encourages a more collaborative approach.

Rebalancing Responsibilities

Sam noticed that, like many moms, she felt the weight of managing their home was solely her responsibility. She realized that this “invisible labor” of managing the household shouldn’t fall solely on the mother’s shoulders. So, she worked with her husband Chas to rebalance the responsibilities at home. However, Sam later discovered that she was unknowingly perpetuating the same issue in how she parented their children.

An Epiphany in Parenting

While preparing a chore chart for her kids, Sam had an epiphany. She realized that by using the chore chart, she was unintentionally reinforcing the patriarchal expectation that mothers were solely responsible for managing the household. Determined to break the cycle, she decided to change her approach and developed what she calls the “notice and do” system.

From “Help” to “Work”

Instead of using the word “help” when referring to housework, Sam now uses the word “work.” She believes that the language we use around household chores can shape children’s perceptions of work and their roles within the family. By saying, “Come work with me,” instead of “help me,” Sam emphasizes that managing a home is a team effort and not just the mother’s responsibility.

The “Notice and Do” System

Sam’s “notice and do” system encourages all members of the household to be proactive in identifying and completing tasks without waiting for them to be assigned. It teaches her children to take initiative and contribute to the overall well-being of the household. This approach empowers children and instills valuable life skills.

A Different Perspective

Sam’s approach has received both praise and debate. While some appreciate her efforts in challenging traditional gender roles and promoting shared responsibility, others argue that parents should be responsible for overseeing the home. However, what remains important is open communication and a willingness to adapt and evolve as parents.

Working as a Team

At the end of the day, Sam’s ultimate goal is for her children to grow up knowing not only life skills but also how to be proactive and anticipate needs within a partnership. By sharing the workload and working together as a team, families can create a stronger bond and teach their children the importance of thoughtful and intentional communication. It’s a fresh perspective that can benefit everyone involved.

In a society where problem-solving and initiative are highly valued, Sam’s approach teaches her children valuable skills that extend far beyond just chores. By noticing problems and proactively working to solve them, her children will grow up to be not only better parents and spouses but also better individuals in all aspects of life.

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