Hello, I’m Sarah, and guess what? I really don’t want kids. I’m reaching that age where many of my friends have caught baby fever. Even if they’re not planning for children just yet, they’re excited about becoming parents someday. But for me, it’s a big, solid no. I’ve always felt this way, and I often wonder if it makes me different or strange. Parenthood just doesn’t seem like my purpose in life.
The good news? I’m not alone in feeling this way, according to the therapists I’ve spoken to. It’s perfectly fine not to want children, even though society sometimes pressures us otherwise. Trust your instincts! “If your gut is screaming ‘no’ even when everything around you (your partner, your parents, society) is saying yes, do yourself a favor and listen,” advises Rachel Zar, AMFT, a relationship and sex therapist. “Being honest with yourself and with your partner … is the best way to make an authentic and intentional decision.” Let’s look at three signs that might indicate you’re just not into the idea of having kids.
“If having your life turned upside down for another person does not feel worth it, parenthood may not be for you,” says Nicole Richardson, LPC. Kids are a massive change, and if you can’t see yourself embracing that change, it might be a clear sign. If your career is flourishing, your relationships are thriving, and you’re happy with the status quo, introducing children might not be in the cards for you.
Are your priorities elsewhere? Fantastic! “If you feel a pull to focus your life energy in other ways, such as career advancement, social relationships, traveling the world, or a life with your partner, and don’t see children as part of that picture, give yourself permission to embrace that life and know that it’s OK,” says Liz Higgins, MS, LMFT. Higgins mentions that people often face judgment for choosing not to have kids because others might not understand their choices. But it’s important to trust your own journey and do what feels right for you.
I can’t emphasize this enough—your life is yours to shape! Nothing feels worse than living up to others’ expectations instead of your own. “If you know deep down that you don’t need children to feel fulfilled, or if you find purpose and joy in other ways, don’t rush or force yourself into parenthood just because you think you’re supposed to,” Higgins advises. “Don’t yield to pressure from friends or family when you know there’s another path calling you.” You know yourself better than anyone else, so trust your intuition and make the best decisions for your life.
Whether you decide to have kids or not, there are countless ways to find fulfillment and contribute meaningfully to the world. Personally, writing is my passion, and I want to keep space in my life to help others through my words. Maybe for you, it’s traveling, excelling in your career, or cherishing a relationship with your partner! The choice doesn’t have to be made today, and that’s perfectly okay. Remember, you are complete and whole no matter what you choose. Trust your gut!
