THE WISE CHINESE PARABLE OF THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND THE MOTHER-IN-LAW
In ancient China, when a woman married, she moved into her husband’s home. She was expected to serve not only her husband but also his mother. For one young bride, this tradition became a daily nightmare. Every morning, her mother-in-law would find fault with her cooking. At noon, she would criticize the way she walked or spoke. By evening, she would complain that her new daughter-in-law was lazy or selfish. The older woman’s words stung like tiny needles, and the young bride felt as if she were living under a dark cloud.
Day after day, the daughter-in-law tried to smile and be patient, but the mother-in-law’s constant negativity wore her down. She was in tears almost every night. Her husband, who worked long hours in the fields, did not see most of these conflicts. Whenever the young woman tried to tell him about his mother’s behavior, he simply sighed and said, “That’s just her way. Try to be respectful.”
But respect was difficult to maintain when every minute brought new criticism. The mother-in-law seemed to enjoy pointing out every tiny mistake, from crooked chopsticks on the dinner table to a speck of dust on the windowsill. Nothing the young bride did was ever good enough. After a few months, the bride felt trapped. She believed she could not live like this any longer. In her mind, there was only one escape—to get rid of her mother-in-law for good.
Desperate, the young woman decided to seek help from a local herbalist. This wise old man had been a friend of her late father, and she hoped he would know some secret remedy. Early one morning, she left the house before dawn, making sure her mother-in-law was still asleep. She walked through narrow streets until she reached the herbalist’s simple shop.
Inside, the herbalist sat on a small wooden stool, carefully sorting dried leaves and roots. When he saw the daughter-in-law enter, he greeted her warmly, remembering her as a little girl who used to accompany her father. But today, her face looked troubled. With trembling hands, she offered him a pouch of coins. Her voice shook as she explained, “I can’t live with my mother-in-law anymore. She’s driving me insane with her harsh words and constant complaints. Please, can you help me? I want poison. I will poison her and be free of this misery.”
The herbalist looked into her eyes and saw the deep despair that consumed her. For a long moment, he said nothing. Then, with a serious expression, he asked softly, “Are you sure there is no other way?” The daughter-in-law shook her head. She had no hope left. The old man nodded, as though making an important decision. He stood up and went to the back of his shop, returning with a small pouch of powder.
“This is a special mixture of herbs,” he said quietly. “If you give it all at once, it will be too obvious, and people will suspect you. Instead, mix a small amount into your mother-in-law’s food every day. This way, she will grow weaker over time, and her death will appear natural.”
The daughter-in-law felt both relief and fear as she took the pouch from the herbalist’s wrinkled hand. But before she left, he gave her one last piece of advice. “Listen carefully,” he said. “To make sure no one suspects you, you must treat your mother-in-law with great kindness. Speak softly to her, show her respect, and be patient. If you suddenly behave with love and care, people will only see that you tried your best. They will never suspect you of wrongdoing.”
The young bride nodded. Her heart pounded, but she was determined. She thanked the herbalist and hurried home, carefully hiding the pouch of herbs under her bed. That evening, she prepared dinner, remembering the old man’s words. She mixed just a pinch of the powder into her mother-in-law’s soup and served it with a gentle smile. The older woman, surprised by this change, sniffed at the soup but said nothing. She ate silently, while the bride watched every spoonful disappear.
The next day, the daughter-in-law woke up early to sweep the floors and dust the furniture. She made tea for her mother-in-law and even brought her slippers when the older woman sat down. She continued adding the herbal powder to her mother-in-law’s meals, but only in small amounts. At first, nothing seemed to change. The older woman still criticized her. But the young bride remembered the herbalist’s warning, so she forced herself to remain calm and kind.
Over the next few weeks, however, the mother-in-law began to soften. She noticed her daughter-in-law’s gentle behavior. She saw how the young woman rose early each morning to tidy the house and prepare food. She heard the sweet tone in the bride’s voice when she spoke, even if she was tired or upset. Little by little, the older woman started saying “thank you” for small favors. Instead of criticizing every little detail, she sometimes gave advice in a softer tone. She even praised her daughter-in-law for learning new recipes or for maintaining a neat home.
As the months passed, a change bloomed in the house like a quiet spring. The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law no longer fought or avoided each other. They spent time drinking tea together, sharing stories about their childhoods, and laughing over silly moments. The daughter-in-law was stunned to realize she was no longer unhappy. In fact, she felt love and respect growing in her heart for this older woman who, once upon a time, had seemed so hateful.
One day, the mother-in-law fell ill with a simple cold. The daughter-in-law rushed to care for her, bringing warm blankets and comforting foods. In that moment, she felt a sudden wave of panic. She remembered the herbal powder she had been adding to the older woman’s meals for so many months. “What have I done?” she thought, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t want her to die. I’ve grown to love her like a mother.”
Frightened and guilty, the daughter-in-law returned to the herbalist’s shop. Tears ran down her cheeks as she cried, “Please, give me an antidote! I don’t want my mother-in-law to die. She’s changed. She’s loving and kind. I was wrong to seek poison. I was blinded by anger.”
The old man looked at her with gentle eyes and asked, “What do you mean, child?”
She explained everything, how her mother-in-law had softened and become caring, and how now she realized she did not want her to die. The herbalist chuckled softly and patted her hand. “You have nothing to fear,” he said. “The powder I gave you was not poison. It was made of harmless herbs, intended only to improve her health a little. It was your own kindness that worked the real magic. By acting with love, you allowed your mother-in-law to see your true heart. In turn, she opened her own heart to you.”
The daughter-in-law’s tears turned to relief. She thanked the old man many times. Rushing home, she found her mother-in-law already feeling better. The older woman smiled and said, “My child, you have been so good to me. Thank you for your care.” The young bride embraced her mother-in-law, feeling true affection and gratitude for the bond they had formed.
From that day on, their home was filled with harmony. Neighbors and friends marveled at the change. They asked the daughter-in-law how she managed to live in peace with her once-quarrelsome mother-in-law. She would only smile and say, “A bit of kindness can transform even the darkest situations.”
This ancient Chinese story reminds us that often, it is our own anger, impatience, and negative attitude that make a bad situation worse. By choosing kindness and respect—treating others as we wish to be treated—we may discover that those we see as enemies can become allies.
So, here’s the question: In your own life, is there someone you might reach with kindness instead of anger—and how might it change everything?
